I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought of you, of writing here.
This year has been a struggle, I won’t lie. It’s probably been one of the most challenging ones I’ve ever had in my entire life.
I’ve had many ‘moments’ in 36 years, as everyone does, where I’ve hit Rock bottom, but I’ve never had to go through an experience that is ‘constantly’ eating at me. That is something else.
Throughout these last 9 months, I’ve had some incredible blessings and as many heartaches.
It’s been interesting, because as you’re suffering, you’re growing. You’re seeing situations and people more clearly – your priorities change, you get a better perspective of what’s important to you and what isn’t.
You also get to see what the people in your life are made of. When the tough ‘keeps’ going, who’s sticking around? Who in your life can you rely on? Lean on? And who just bails. Who kicks you while your down?
I’ve been through it all. From the blessings of distant friends asking how I’m holding up and what they can do to help, to very close family members wishing me “good luck” with my situation and leaving without a look back.
It’s been revealing. It’s been heartbreaking.
What do you do with ‘Best friends’ who contact you close to never since you’re ‘no-fun’ anymore? Or a family member, as close as genetics can be, who never once asked you how you are coping – in an entire year?
I know everyone does their best, and do what they know how to do, so it’s not about attributing blame in the end.
Things are the way they are. It is what it is. It’s up to me to accept reality and adapt to it. It’s just emotionally challenging, when those who should be helping you weather the storm, are the ones throwing you into the water.