Friday, Nope Day.

 What a crazy day.

Usually, I’m all up for Crazy.  A handful of popcorn and I’m entertained.   Today though, I can’t be bothered.  I’m SO glad it’s Friday!

Weekends for me equal “No People”, which is my favourite type of day.  If I could find one, my Welcome Mat would say: Goodbye.

Funny thing, this reminds me of a discussion I had recently with someone who was telling me how great it is to have heaps of people running in and out of the house: Didn’t I think so?!  Uhm.

God, no.  Sounds awful.

Yes, Grumpy cat may or may not be my Patronus.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t count my family as People.  lol  They’re Mine.  My Monkeys, My Circus.  And hey, I like Monkeys! I want THEM around all the time.

The rest of the world is on a case-by-case basis. lol  Mostly though, no.

Regardless of the Crazy, today was pretty constructive and productive!  I got some work done on my Secret Mystery Project.  Actually, got 3 things entirely completed.  Matt and Anna both ‘tried it out’ and helped me perfect it.  So Awesome!

Anyway, thank god it’s Friday.  I need to refill my No-People Reserves as next week will be awful.  Even have Parent-Teacher meetings.

I need to dig a moat.  Could fill it with my garden hose.   But then, I’d also need a draw bridge,.. so Countdown can deliver the food.

Decisions, decisions.

 

 

 

 

Crocodile Hunting

So knowing what’s coming (because of your dreams) doesn’t mean you get to avoid it.

As expected, it rained Crocodiles.  I mean, Crap.

Do you get sick and tired sometimes of the same old arguments that just go into circles – on and on – for years even?

Yep.  I sure do.  Same Crocodiles, different day.

Short of being a Crocodile Hunter, I don’t see how any of this will ever get resolved.  There are things in our lives that feel entirely hopeless.  I absolutely do not see any ‘Sandy Beaches’.

Maybe I’m just at the point where my Boat is sinking and I’m surrounded by Crocodiles, realizing that I will get absolutely no help.  As usual.  What is there to do?  I don’t know how to ‘jump into the water’ (or maybe I do, and have done it, an hour or so ago??) and will ‘magically’ find myself on the Beach soon??  I’ll let you know.

God, how I envy those of you that are Crocodile Hunters.

Dream

Had the weirdest dreams last night!  I had to get up and actually write them down so I wouldn’t forget about them by morning.  I always have a pen and paper pad next to my bed just for this purpose.  I write on it with my eyes closed – which makes for interesting penmanship as well as demanding an entirely new level of ‘interpretation’ to what the heck I was trying to say.  Good times.

So yeah, last night, this was my first dream:

I was on a ‘boat’ (using the term loosely here..) or a sinking piece of cardboard with the sides halfway in the ‘black water’.  As I was standing in it, I realized that I was in danger of the ‘crocodiles’ swimming around me – as there was pretty much nothing standing between us.

Next to me, on a different boat, were Matt and the Kids.  Though their boat was actually floating, it wasn’t a very ‘strong’ boat either, and it was too small to carry me to safety too.  Matt was trying to find a solution, but I could tell that he didn’t have one, and I was not willing to endanger them by ‘trying’ to get on their small boat.

I remember ‘lifting my leg’ and going over the side of my boat to get into the water (yes, with the crocodiles), to attempt to get away, as it was my only real option.

Suddenly, I was on a ‘sandy beach’.  I realized as I looked out to the water that I still wasn’t safe as crocodiles ‘walk on land’.  I turned around and saw Matt and the kids standing there too.  Matt worriedly looking at the water.

I looked back at the sea, and back to them, but the children had ‘metamorphosed’ into beautiful golden labradors.  Suddenly, I realized that behind them were more beautiful dogs standing guard.  For the first time, I felt safe.

I looked back to the water and wondered what would happen if the crocodiles came and fought the dogs.  I didn’t want my dogs hurt.  I hoped it wouldn’t come to that, though I felt that now that I had a pack behind me, the crocodiles would fall back.  Finally.

Crazy much??

Very easy to interpret that dream, but obviously, I won’t go into details online.  All I’ll say are the obvious symbols: Boats (your Soul’s Journey- who you’re travelling with), black water (threats in this case, what is disturbing your Unconscious/Psyche), what lies underneat the water (what you feel is after you/what is disturbing your Peace), Crocodiles (dangerous enemies), Foot up (taking action), sandy beach (peaceful resolution), golden dogs (Protectors).

Isn’t the Mind interesting??  I want to write about a gazillion different things right now and tell you about Jung, and those Universal Archetypes.  I want to talk to you about Sri Aurobindo and Dreams being the Tunnel between your Soul Identity and your Ego Identity.  I want to tell you about my Great-Grandmother teaching my Grandmother, my Grandmother teaching my Mother, who taught Me dream interpretation – which I am now teaching Anna.

I’ve spent my life reading, learning, desciphering all things.. what?  Mystical? Spiritual? Esoterical? I don’t know what you would call it.  The Great mysteries?  Whether or not you believe in that stuff, doesn’t bother me.  I’ve spent the last 22 years studying Astrology and the last 16 years in various Rose-Croix lodges.  All I can tell you is that if your mind isn’t Opened to the Possibilies of Life, you’re missing out.

Second Dream was a mess:

I was standing in an ‘unknown location’.  My female neighbour was there with her friends.  They were about to do a ‘Theater Play’, and there wasn’t a ‘Role’ for me to play.  I told her I didn’t want to participate anyway (which was actually the case).  Relieved, she ‘smiled’ at me.

I left and found myself at ‘University’.  I was ‘climbing stairs’, attempting to make my way among a herd of other people to where I was meant to go.  I decided to call Matt over the ‘phone’ and do a Videocall so he could ‘see’ where I was, and share in what I saw.

I ‘arrived’ at Destination when I found myself sharing a table with a ‘female stranger’.  She had ‘playing cards’ with her.  They were all ‘hearts’ and ‘spades’.  Together, we tried to ‘seperate’ them: making ‘two’ piles.  I wasn’t sure if she was doing it right, so I ‘double-checked’ her work and found spades in the hearts.  I took them all out, one at a time, until the job was done.

Then, I left.  I was making my way in ‘Daylight’ to the next ‘unknown location’.  Only knew that it was time to ‘go’.  I trusted I would get ‘there’, wherever that was.

There you go.  Lots of symbols there which are mostly straightforward, but the most interesting part to me was the girl with the playing cards.  The girl represents the timid/pushover/submissive side of me (as her representation in my dream was very clear that this is what it meant, but I won’t go into details about what she looked like and why I thought that).  The ‘girl’ had problems seperating ‘love’ (hearts) from ‘pain’ (spades).

Not anymore.

 

 

It’s Been a While

Dear you, I haven’t felt the need to Blog, write, in ages.  I’m tempted to say “years”.  I guess I’m not entirely myself anymore or the person I “used” to be,.. before everything.  I guess that person is gone.  She left with mom.  She left with the disillusionments that her illness, transition, brought.  I no longer look at my family and friends the same way.

It’s almost been two years since mom left and though the pain has reduced dramatically, the hole in my life is still gaping.  I realize that this absence can never be filled up: You learn to live around it.  You get ‘used’ to it: not being able to call, or email.  The “never again” is the hard part to digest.

It’s difficult.  It’s Purposeful.  It’s Life.  It has meaning.  It was needed,.. for the ‘Next’ thing to come.  For the Lesson that must be learnt.  For the person I must become.  I am becoming.  Pain is a horrible teacher, but it sure does its job.

Whoever wrote “There are many things that can only be seen through eyes that have cried.” was a genius.  It’s strange, but as much as everything that’s happened wasn’t expected, it wasn’t surprising either.

I’m one of those people that believe that before you were born you chose your Path.  You came when the stars were aligned the way they needed to be, revealing a Road map to the Lessons you wanted to learn in this lifetime.

We chose our family, our parents, our peers, for the opportunity they would give us to learn, to grow, to evolve, to resolve, to repay, and payback what we needed to.  What we need to.

I still have a whole lot to learn.  No excuses, no apologies.  I’m looking forward to seeing what the next 40 years have in store for me.  It’s been one heck of an interesting Road trip so far and it’s been amazing to share it with some of you.  Others,..not so much.  Here’s to figuring out the lessons quickly and peacefully.

Write back soon.

xx