it’s been a while! I’ve been incredibly busy lately between the School holidays and personal projects. It’s been great!
That said, I’ve also had a lot on my mind that I’ve been meaning to share here, but just couldn’t find the time. Thankfully, today is going to be relatively quiet so here I am!
One of the things I wanted to talk about was ‘Consistency’, because I’ve been witnessing so many things that come back to the importance of it.
I’ve noticed that a lot of our problems in life stem from Inconsistency and Conditionality. What I mean by that is that a lot of the way we interact with the World ‘depends’ on our mood, how we feel on a certain day. The Receptivity, the Positivity we show to others will be greatly influence on our ‘Moment in Time’, and also based on Past Experiences shared together.
When we get up on the wrong side of the bed and snap at our husband (moment in time), he probably won’t take it to heart (if this isn’t your ‘usual’ way), because we have a Loving Unconditional Relationship (Accumulation of Past Experiences).
Then, let’s say you get to work and you snap at your Coworker.. depending on how Positive that relationship is generally speaking (Accumulation of Past Experiences) you are either “Reinforcing” her Negative view of you.. or not.
The more you ‘Do’ a certain thing the more it not only Defines your relationship with people, but becomes Who you are. You can’t ‘Consistently’ Snap at someone/people, and be seen as a Positive person. That is just not in Alignment.
This is where I’m getting at: You have to decide for yourself (take Control of your Inner Temporal Inconsistencies) who you want to be, what kind of relationships you want to have with people and Align your Behavior to Match up to it (be in Alignment).
There are relationships in my life where the people are *always* upset at our Lack of Closeness, when they Consistently Ignore me or are Rude to me “Unless” they want something from me. Ignoring people, being Rude or Negative is not in “Alignment” with wanting a Positive Relationship manifested through “Closeness”.
What you do “Consistently” Defines you and will Mold your Relationships.
Many times, people will see themselves as “Nice”, because they Sporadictly “try” (this is the temporal Inconsistent behavior) to do the Right thing.. So, the Norm/Normality of the Relationship is when they ‘do not try’. No Flower will grow if you only water it ‘sometimes’. As proud as you may be for having watered it that one time.
If there is a Relationship you’re unhappy with, ask yourself, what am I Consistent in doing? Am I Consistently Nice to this person or not? If you are Consistently nice to someone and still the relationship is negative, ask yourself what Nature is the Experiences Accumulated: Have you been unkind for years (Accumulation of Negative Experiences) and now have been Consistently trying to do better? If so, it will take a while to turn the boat around, if at all.
Some relationships can’t be salvaged, if they took too many beatings.
That said, it’s never too late to do the right thing, be the kind of person you want to be. Whether or not the Result of your Actions are what you’re hoping for, the way you Act Defines you – Always. So, really, is it that important how people “React” to you? As long as you are being yourself (in Soul Alignment), the rest is not yours. How Others behave does not ‘necessarily’ Reflect who you are – though sometimes, it can.
The best way to know if it’s You or Them is Very easy to figure out.
The Difficulty that is witnessed between the both of you – the struggle, the negativity – is it only between you both or.. are there more Problems/Negativity/Struggles elsewhere in their Life. Generalization of Problematic Behavior is a very Good Key in finding out who the Struggle belongs to.
Usually, people that we can’t engage in a Consistent Positive Relationship with (however Hard we try) will Struggle in one or more Areas of their Life: Work, Family, Amorous Relationship, Peers, etc. This then becomes a Mental Health issue and the best thing to do in that case, is remain yourself, and let go of the Result if you choose to keep the relationship or let go of the Person themselves if their behavior is destructive.
It took me many years to figure all of this out, as I used to shoulder the Nature of *every* relationship I had. Generally speaking, I’m on good terms with pretty much Everyone I’ve ever met since Primary school if I chose it. The few which I simply can’t seem to mold into what I wish it would be, I’ve come to realize the Challenge doesn’t belong to me. When I look at their life, they usually have many relational struggles or other personal ones.
That said, faced with Inconsistency (of the Positive nature) or Consistencies of being pained by their behavior (being ignored or lashed out at), I would “Consistently” React (Be negative towards them by Deleting, Blocking, Ignoring back, etc.).. which would be worst than ‘Reinforcing’ the negative relationship, because I was also Betraying Myself, by throwing my Soul out of Alignment (then, feeling horribly Guilty, ruminating obsessively over what happened, etc.).
It took me almost 40 years to see that this form of ‘Control’, the need to have things the way I want them (Positive!), is absolutely not effective. I can’t Control the Nature of any Relationship. All I can do is take Control of *My* behavior by making sure I’m Consistently in Alignment with myself.
These days, I realize that we Attract like as much as we Attract Experiences that will help us Evolve, Grow. We will have relationships that will Support us and some that will Challenge us.
Embrace them all, because without the Good the Bad and the Ugly – you wouldn’t be who you are today – which is the Result of what you have learnt, are learning, and will learn.
Learn to be Yourself at All Times and Accept to Walk away from what and who is Consistently hurting you. The lesson sometimes can be to just Walk away.
Much Love to you all!